As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize