reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
