Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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