Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
