i jhust puked up my retainher.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
