the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
