I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
