Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
