You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
