Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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