Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
