Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
