I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
