If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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