Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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