Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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