tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
