I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
