areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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