been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
