you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
