there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
