I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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