How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
