Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
