hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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