just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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