Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize