so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
