Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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