we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize