You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
