This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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