omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
