ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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