yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
