Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
