I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
