How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
