me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
