So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
