He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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