OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
