remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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