I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
