1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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