Just fell off a train. Bad.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
