just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
