Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
