I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
