he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
