Just fell off a train. Bad.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
