it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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