I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize