tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
