I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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