Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cut my penus on the lid.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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