I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
