i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
