Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
