mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
