The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ttyl tear gas
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
