I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
