so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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