Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
