So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
farters have to be the big spoon...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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