AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
