He felt like a one man threesome
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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