everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
