We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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