Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
