I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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