So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize