I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
