Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
